Fear

I know this is a random posting but the other day, as I was driving, I came across one of my most heart-pounding fears. Due to my habit of blogging, it was natural to start thinking of the top 5 things that caused my heart to pound or my palms to sweat. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Taking off in an airplane. Cara probably shares this fear since the last time we flew we both had sweaty palms and felt like we were getting slightly lightheaded. This fear is due to my slight fear of heights..ok..a severe fear of heights. Because of this fact, it's a little intimidating to be in an airplane that is already quite high off of the ground and then take off at, what feels like, a 90 degree angle as it jettisons into complete air (how in the world it stays airborne is a mystery to me). Add to that the constant fear that there will be a hole in the airplane, it will burst apart, and I will actually FALL that long way to the ground. I always pray that God will knock me out if that ever happens. I know, it's kind of far fetched but if you have a fear of heights maybe you know how I feel.

2. Driving under large overpasses. I can't explain this one. Maybe it's because of an earthquake that happened, oh, 10+ years ago and a large overpass collapsed onto all of the cars underneath. Whatever it stems from, the fear is definitely real. Every time I'm driving under a large piece of concrete, I almost feel myself fighting the urge to hyperventilate. Sometimes I'll drive super slow and wait for the light to turn green so I can accelerate through the abyss.

3. Crickets or other insects with legs touching me, anywhere. This fear probably stems from getting kickboxed by a 4" grasshopper at my parent's house or the 1000's of crickets jumping around our garage like it's their playground. I just know that if I feel something with spiny legs jumping on me or touching me, my body can't quite handle it. On the outside, it seems like I'm handling it well but inside, my heart starts pounding. You might even hear a little scream. Oh, and by the way, I don't get near cockroaches. Don't even ask me to kill one. I will only do it from a distance, with a shoe...probably screaming while I do it.

4. Losing sight of my kids in a public place. All of you moms know how I feel. I lost Mikayla once in a crowded Mervyns and I could feel my skin getting prickly with fear. I found her a few minutes later, underneath the racks of clothes (she was about 2 1/2) but I'll never forget that feeling of complete helplessness. Oh, I also almost lost her to the ocean. When she was about 2 she fell in the ocean while a wave went out. The riptide took her out so far and I ran after her, pregnant. To this day it's hard to go to the "big" ocean and feel that my kids are safe. I apologize to all of you whom that has affected...

5. Being in a place with tons of people like a sports arena. After 9/11, groups of people make me fearful, especially if we're all sitting down (like sitting ducks). A lot of times I feel like someone got through the metal detector and something bad will happen. This fear usually wears off quickly so it's not too bad.

I'm sure there are some other fears I have that I haven't thought of but these definitely make my heart pound. I do know that, no matter what fears grip me at the moment, God is always there, in control. What a comforting thought!!