I blew up today...
As I sit here at 11:00 at night, I can't help but ache inside for the anger I displayed at my 3 little ones. It sometimes seems like they all get the brunt of my impatience with one. It's hard when we're all together, without daddy, without a break, with demands and complaints and tugging and pulling...no chance for escape.
I wish I could take it back, the lecture. At first I thought, "they needed it, they should do things the first time I ask them to." Then I have regrets..."I shouldn't have "lost it." I should have reacted with the utmost of patience and love." Thank goodness my kids forgive me. Thank goodness God forgives me too.
Then I start thinking about what a blessing they all are to me, even though they keep me sleep deprived and demand more than I have to give. How unique they are, how special their strengths and, yes, even their weaknesses.
Tears well up as I think about the blessings each of my kids bring to our family. Mikayla's thoughtfulness in bringing back the lid of her yogurt so that I can send it in and get money for cancer research, her helpful nature as she helps her sister wash her hands and reads her favorite book to her brother.
Tyler, my loving and selfless son, who tells me that he wants to invite "Amy" to his birthday party because he knows Mikayla would want her there, not even considering who he wants to invite to his own party, helps Lynnea out of her seatbelt to be a strong big brother and wants to sit on my lap during movies just so he can feel me near him.
Lynnea's humor and independence, trying to be a big girl like her sister but nurturing her little baby doll like it's her very own baby, helps pick up Tyler and Mikayla's bikes if they fall while riding and makes sure everyone knows what they should be doing at any given time.
These are my blessings, my reasons for getting up in the morning, my gifts from God. I pray for patience daily but I failed miserably today. I know that sharing my "mistakes" on a blog isn't the norm, everything always looks so perfect but we, as people, are far from perfect. I just thank the Lord that "His mercies are new every morning...how great is His faithfulness."
3 comments:
You and me both sister...perhaps God allows us to ocasionally blow it in order for our humanity to show through. Believe me Ive had those days where my fully pottytrained son has peed on the deck while my other two run about the house laughing and screaming at the top of their vioces..then the dogs....sigh. It gets especailly taxing when greg is on shift. But I wouldnt change it if I could because they teach me Christs love for us in ways I would have never understood. That and I love them more than anything! keep it up girl your not alone.
I can easily change the names and a few details on your post and it'd be my story too!! You are not alone my dear sis. God is shaping us in ways we can't see just yet, but I'm glad we're in it together. Your kids are blessed to have you and they will rise up call you blessed one day soon, I know it.
Sending you lotsa love!
Riva, you are one of the best moms I know, and I thank God we can have the same stories like these to share! Someday we will look back and thank Him for these "imperfect" times that allow us to be grateful for the wonderful and memorable ones. I just want you to know that you are wonderful, and I am so grateful to have a friend like you to share this exhausting, yet rewarding job we call mothering. Love you...
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